Warning: Everyone's sense of humor is unique--and there's a great chance that you are more warped than you think you are...so don't take any of this too seriously--seriously!
Kurt Mellish is Atlanta's "most accurate and dependable meteorologist." True statement! You can plan you day and week by the renown "Mellish Meter" which rates the weather on a scale of 1-10. He and his team are usually spot on! But in the small town where I live I have discovered a meter system of my own: B.O.G. and S.O.G. I have a hunch that if I can learn to read the signs correctly they may be more accurate than the Farmer's Almanac or Kurt Mellish. B.O.G. and S.O.G. live on the same road I do but I have not yet met either man. I do not know their actual names, but these acronyms are our designated names for them. B.O.G.: Big Old Guy S.O.G.: Shirtless Old Guy When the weather begins to warm up in the late spring, the B.O.G. begins to roll in. Every night when the weather is right, B.O.G. can be seen leaning on the trash can behind his house. He's like a judge behind his table holding court with his neighbor, using his beverage as his gavel. The weight of his office is heavy and it has clearly taken a toll on his body. But who am I to judge? In the summer, he is there every night B.O.G. leans but S.O.G. sits. In the early spring S.O.G. sits on his porch with a half-unbuttoned shirt watching the traffic flow. As the days get warmer S.O.G. sits shirtless. He doesn't as much hold court as he reigns as the patriarch of his small neighborhood of houses. His porch, his court, is more like an after-dinner gathering where the guys go to relax, unsnap their britches and rub their stomachs as a symbol of great satisfaction. In the summer, he is there every night. As the leaves disappear in the late fall so do B.O.G. and S.O.G. As I drive by in the winter I can't help but habitually look for both men but neither are there-ever! Will they show up again? Did they move? I hope not! Then, predictably, as the temperatures rise into the upper 60's and then 70's and 80's, as the flowers bloom and the leaves unfurl to reveal their glory, so too, do B.O.G. and S.O.G. They peek their heads out of their homes. At first you see them only one or two times a week and soon every day. Their shirts unbutton lower and lower to gradually reveal their full glory! Summer is here!
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